Sleep-less night

I am unable to sleep tonight, yet again. I keep thinking about random stuff. Wondering whatever it may be? Here it goes:

-Many of my friends have started to notice that I am becoming a lot more cynical and negative than I used to be. It makes me wonder what made me this way. Could it be a certain person that completely fucked me over 5 months ago? I wasn't in love with him by any means but I don't appreciate being lied to and taken advantage of. Fuck him.
-In a few short hours the voters of this fine country of ours head to the polls to elect a new President. I hope that they choose the right person for the job. A man we all call Barack Obama.
-Why I have this fascination with Sarah Palin. I admire her as a woman, but at the same time I don't understand 2/3 of the shit that she does.
-Wondering if anybody is truely unique and an individual. Everybody copies somebody.
-The sudden realization that I don't actually believe in God. Strange...
-Why I tend to be more mature than most people my age and yet find myself unable to talk to a certain someone. I think about him constantly and yet act like a shy, 12 year-old girl. This reminds me of the Tanner Beam incident of 1998. Here it goes: after the 5th grade my parents decided to move us to a hell-hole named Hays, Kansas. It took a while to make new friends. I decided that I had a wicked crush on this kid named Tanner Beam. I figured that I would tell him that I was in love with him in a note. I decided that picture day would be the perfect time to do it. I wrote a note that said something like I thought that he was cute. When he went to get his picture taken I dropped the note off at his spot. When he got back I watched out of the corner of my eye as he opened it. He laughed. I was crushed. I figure that this is the reason why I find myself lusting after Mr. Jesus look alike and yet find myself unable to tell him how I feel. My friends keep offering to talk to him about it and I don't let them because it feels very much like 7th grade and is just embarassing. I'm 21 years old and should be able to do this by myself. Grrr...


Thanks for reading,
Kaitlin